some thoughts... Belgium, Warsaw, Erasmus, University... ups and downs... questions... no answers?
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wtorek, 24 lipca 2007
let's see how it works

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środa, 06 czerwca 2007
Luki...
kumpel z Belgii
zupełnie inny niż reszta znajomych, inne priorytety, inny zawód.
kariera, pieniądze, wyjazdy, 14 godzinny dzień pracy.
a wieczorem wino, zioło, jogging do wyplucia płuc.
 
to już nawet nie piąty a szósty bieg.
kolejne szkolenia, egzaminy, nowe stanowiska.
profesjonalizm w pracy i kompletna niedojrzałość w życiu prywatnym.

'już! teraz! zaraz!'
gdy rozmawiam z Lukim takie odnoszę wrażenie.
że nie można czekać, że 'musi się dziać'
teraz zdobyć, awansować, posmakować nowego.

ale czy to jest tak inne?
ja też chcę teraz! zaraz!
tylko, że Luki działa i zdobywa.
pracuje i się stara.


a ja? a ja nie... 
enter!
problemy z publikowaniem wpisów.

ale już, widzę pewne zmiany.
zaczynam się zastanawiać, że to jednak Opera mi takie cyrki odstawia.



no nic.
sprawdzam.


po sprawdzeniu potwierdzam.
to wina Opery.
nie wrzucała enterów.

i zaczęła się zawieszać od reklam na Gazecie.

już nie wiem jakiej przeglądarki używać.
na Mozille wrzuciłam za dużo Add-ons'ów.
wyrzucić?
ale przecież wszystkie są potrzebne :P
poniedziałek, 08 stycznia 2007
wystarczy...

wystarczy jedna mała rzecz...
i już przyglądam mu się 'przychylniejszym okiem'...

ostatnio, gdy zostałam 'odrzucona' (bo niby fakt, że to ja powiedziałam "zostańmy przyjaciółmi", a nie on - ja to jedynie ubrałam w słowa, a on to tego mnie sprowadził) zaczęłam być agresywna...
używałam dużo ironii wobec niego, w sytuacjach w których normalnie byłabym miła, sympatyczna i pomocna, próbowałam grać wredną sukę, ujmować się honorem...
że niby ja miałabym Ci pomóc??
Ty chcesz mnie... bla bla bla...

ale po co to?
nie mam się przed czym bronić, z czym walczyć...
to po prostu przyjacielska znajomość, która nie przerodziła się w związek mimo że tego chciałam...
tak, to pewnie honor i takie tam...
ale po co mi to?

o wiele lepiej było mi dziś, gdy rozmawialiśmy normalnie, ciepło i byliśmy pomocni sobie na wzajem...

oby tak było jeszcze dłużej...

bo cała reszta moich przyjaciół ma dziewczyny, które nie lubią gdy spotykam się, rozmawiam z ich chłopakami...

więc jako, że mam samych męskich przyjaciół stanowi to pewien problem...

nie zostaje mi wiele...


sobota, 30 grudnia 2006
po polsku...

skoro już po angielsku jestem w innej przestrzeni, to może tu powrócę do polskiego...

zobaczymy...



czwartek, 14 grudnia 2006
moving...

i moved to a new page

http://beatki.blogspot.com

see you there!


wtorek, 12 grudnia 2006
tomorrow...

tomorrow i will get up and start it from the very beginning...
how many times i said that to myself...
and it never worked.

i don't believe that it will work this time.

but actually why wouldn't it?
i don't know the future.
every day is a new day, so maybe...



this week we have Erasmus Day at my University.
it will be busy...

this week is the last weekend before Christmas.
i want to meet my best Erasmuses and have a nice dinner.
so i should think about some small, nice gifts...
hmm, that can be really nice...

Christmas is really coming!
maybe this year it will be good and real?
without wishes like 'maybe next year we will celebrate with some more people? ;) '
or 'we would love to have a wedding soon'
it's all so funny.


what i want as wishes for me?
to find my way.
to know where i am going and what for.
which path is my path...

actually i wish You all, may it be a good time for You. find your place and be happy.
or to stay at least as happy as you were at the moment you found it out already.

hope.





niedziela, 10 grudnia 2006
to develop...

you know what?
what is that i want now?

i really want to develop a friendship with pvd...
yes, i friendship. no, not a relationship, a friendship.
i want us to be friends...

and i'm really looking forward to spending some time together on a trip.
any trip.
few days outside the city, with the nature. or similar.
i'm not sure when or what but i would love to.

indeed, the Baikal.
that's exactly what it should be...



but till then, i have my master's research.
i will start it this week, hopefully...
finally...

and i'll think about my future.
actually...
no. i will keep it quite, as always when it comes to a really important thing for me ;)

slaap wel...




piątek, 08 grudnia 2006
better...

i had a really nice evening with my Erasmus students...

and when i got back home, i found some e-mails...
his e-mails...

that's good.
although i feel like brain washed...
pity that we didn't make to talk today, i think i need it.

and really, since i can't make up my mind, i am hoping that 'the time will tell'

actually the time would have to become an orator ;)
or a politician...



and i got a cup with a happy sheep!
it's yellow, and the mug is orange.
and the card, of course with a sheep also, is blue.
in the window hangs the 'wondering sheep in love' ;)
(soon, when i learn how to change photos, i will put it, because the one i have now is too big)

and who said that i had a bad hair?? at least it is easy to buy me a present!

so, it is a bed time now.
i will go and count some sheep...


środa, 06 grudnia 2006
i'm frustrated

i'm frustrated.
i'm mad.
i'm mad and frustrated.
i'm furious!!!

nie, to nie to.
tak nie działa.

jestem po prostu WKURWIONA!

oo, to zadziałało.


wtorek, 05 grudnia 2006
disappointed...

i feel disappointed...

why?
because i really hoped i am lucky this time.

that he is normal, not enormously great or ideal. no, just normal.
i thought that since he is not amazing much over the average, he also doesn't have many drawbacks.

but it is not so easy.
he is not easy...

and now comes the question...

NO! actually since when i am asking questions instead of listening to my intuition??
why i am analysing if that is worth trying or not? if those disadvantages mean less or more than the benefits??
why?
and what for?



this birthday was again the crying one...

will it be like that every five years...?



being 23...

today i'm 23.
really? am i? i keep on counting because i don't really believe it.
i have an impression that i must have skipped a year, forgot about one, or add one.

23. i could have a family by now. or a job. it's time when being adult and mature is normal.
but at the same time i feel that it's so stupid and immature to think that at the age of 23 you are actually a grown-up!

this way or another I AM 23...

should i have achieved something? succeed? be someone? have something?
is that the best time for it?
or maybe it's just a beginning? a foundation? a time when you can still be a child of your parents?

it is both, isn't it?
and that's what is beautiful about this time, the time of being in your early twenties...
it is understood and accepted to go on any of those paths...

so i wish myself good choices and straight paths
true friends
many interesting experiences and adventures
and a good heart in my and for me

happy birthday B. !!


niedziela, 03 grudnia 2006
wylądował 13:54...

''i made it!''

uff...
but half an hour before it was "still the traffic jam don't think i will make it"

and here we are, choosing a film.

but when i saw him coming from the arrival lounge, he was the way he suppose to be.
all handsome and good looking...

at the beginning it was strange just as it was expected...
not really knowing how to act, how to behave together.

but soon the awkwardness was gone and the time we spent together was perfect...


środa, 29 listopada 2006
annulé...


ANNULE

grrr!

lot został anulowany...
kilka telefonów, Polska - Belgia - WizzAir, i już lepiej!

30-11 11.30 Warszawa-Okecie WZZ422W planifié

a jutro? powtórka?
mgła? krzywy pas? stewardess'a po nocnej imprezie?

czy jednak 11.30 décolé?
lot W6 422 Charleroi/Gosselies wylądował

i to dziwne 'nie wiadomo jak się do końca zachować'...

it's been 5 months!
until now it was just virtual contact...
how to do it tête-à-tête?

tomorrow will tell...




wtorek, 28 listopada 2006
and now...

and now you're coming...

'if i fall in love with you, i will be coming more often...'
but you don't believe in love!

it's been 5 months...
who are you?
how are you?

the fog is all around...
will you find the way?
the way to my house?
to my home?
to my hart?

or maybe you already found it?

the fog is all around...



 
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